Anna's Opera Adventure
by captaincuddlesthegreat
Summary: You've never seen an OC story like this... Read if you dare, but be warned; here there be triggers, and yaoi (not for Erik, of course.. Obviously Rauol! Though this is no raoul-bashing fic, sorry fangirls!), and Shipping that is unheard of, and the most crack-ish plot that ever existed. READ IF YE DARE! Written by me and Gho5ty!
1. It starts happening

ANNA'S OPERA ADVENTURE

Volume one: This story would make Gaston Leroeux turn in his grave

Caution!;

* This is your final warning aside from that in the summary. Once again, if you don't like crack-fics (because this is one pretty insane crack-fic) then do not read!This story is in NO WAY to be taken seriously! If you don't like frequent cursing, or sexual references and explicit scenes then do not read! And finally, if you like Christine, hate Raoul or just oppose character bashing then **do not read**. This is intended for immature audiences, so without further ado, here is Anna's Opera adventure!

_Today is the last day anyone other than the Phantom will screw me, and I mean it_! Thought Anna Sue, more commonly known as the Opera house slut. She lazily put her flute back in its case, forgetting to clean it once more. _Today, after much thought I have come up with a flawless plan to kill that horrid bitch, Christine Daae! _Anna snickered. She picked up a different case, this one containing a blowgun and several poisonous darts! Anna's jealousy of Christine had led to multiple assassination attempts, but all had failed- due to Christine's cunning ability to move out of the way once fired upon. Anna skipped down the stage, waving hello to anyone she saw; she was in a good mood today, because of her "flawless" assassination attempt. Anna was now behind the stage and out of everyone's sight, she crept to a hole in the set and put her gun in it. She was about to fire when something pushed her down! Anna sue was furious!

"Hey, FUCK OFF-" She began until she saw that her assailant was none other than the Phantom of the Opera himself! "Phantom!?" gasped Anna. He smiled at her and then motioned for her to get up.

"Catch me if you can!" he whispered seductively. Anna followed him into the dungeons, but something wasn't right… Anna sue caught up to him.

"Wait a minute… ANNA PUNCH!" she yelled and punched him right in the face! When she saw no deformity, she realized that it was a fake phony poser phantom! He got up while rubbing his bruised face, and then he came into the light. "What?! Phillipe du Chagney?!" gasped Anna sue. "What the fuck are you doing here!" Phillipe stood with his hands on his hips.

"I am here to sabotage Raoul's relationship with Christine!" he boasted "And YOUR evil scheming would have gotten in the way or MY evil scheming!" Anna sue was left boiling in rage, How dare that fucker!

"Phillipe! You fucking fucker fucked fuck-head fucking… YOU WANNA PLAY PHANTOM? THEN SO BE IT!" she yelled with fury.

-WARNING! THIS NEXT SCENE IS FULL OF DISGUSTING SECKS, AND IF YOU HAVE EYE'S A NOSE OR AN ABILIY TO READ YOU SHOULD NOT READ THIS! IF YOU WISH, SKIP TO NEXT***

Anna sue pulled off Phillipe's shirt, and then went on to his pants…

"No!" he yelled frantically, "You'll see my-"

"Vagina?!" gasped Anna sue upon the new discovery! Raoul's brother was a she-male, who woulda thought? "Well, well, well…. Looks like you and I aren't that different." Anna sue uttered, "Do you know why I'm such a good slut? CAUSE I'M A HERMAPHRODITE!" Anna sue ripped off her clothes to reveal her "Special" Gentiles. She then proceeded to give Phillipe the -not- time of his life, whilst he screamed:

"NO! Mommy said I'd go blind if I was touched there! But it feels sooooo good!" Anna sue withdrew from Phillipe and then pushed his head down to her penis.

"Now, suck it!" she spat as he started to give her a blow job. She came. He swallowed. He died… "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT! MY ACID SPERM!" Anna sue yelled in victory.

********* IT'S SAFE NOW PEOPLES!*********

Anna sue put on the first cloak she saw, and wrapped up Phillip's body in another cloak. She drug his corpse throughout the halls, but stopped on the stage where she saw her best friend; the gay janitor Phillip! He had long, luscious, golden, locks! He had the face of an angel and a swirly French mustache to boot! He looked like Fabio, only sexier.

"Hey Phillip! I think the Phantom killed Raoul's who incidentally has the same name as you!…. Not that I'd know, I mean, it's a VERY strong feeling." said Anna sue, trying not to sound conspicuous.

"Oh…" Phillip groaned sadly, "Don't speak of Raoul… For now I know that he is forever out of my league!"

"Out of YOUR league? Man, you could have him any time you wanted him!"

"I know… But he is in a relationship with Christine Daae!"

"You won't have to worry about her anymore! Not after I'm done with her!"

"What, you tell me EVERY DAY that this is the last time I'll see Christine alive? You don't really have the guts to kill her, do you?!" Phillip spoke.

"Listen, the bitch is more feisty than she looks, and plus stuff keeps… uh, coming up…. Phillip, did you know that Raoul has a brother with your name?" said Anna Sue,

"Did you see him, or are you stalking Raoul now?"

"No, Like I said, stuff keeps on coming up…"

Anna sue glanced onstage, and saw Raoul observing Christine's singing. Suddenly, she caught something out of the corner of her eyes. A disgruntled Ballerina held a dagger in his hands, and was creeping up on the stage! He was going towards Raoul too! Before Anna sue could take affirmative action, Phillip was already jumping into action. The ballerina pushed Christine aside which inevitably caused her to black out, and held the dagger to Raoul's throat!

"This is for coming in and ruining the happiness you FOP!" she squealed in a whiny, immature voice.

"I'm no FOP! What did I even do?!" he said as he reached for his pistol. Unfortunately it wasn't in its holster! It was then that Phillip knocked the rabid Fangirl Ballerina over, causing the weapon to fall out of her hands. He held his mop in a fencing position, and gave the naïve, stupid girl a good swatting, before he raised the mop over his head!

"LONG LIVE THE VICOMPTE AND HIS SEXY BOOTY!" he yelled as he knocked the living shit out of the girl. Raoul was greatly impressed by the man's heroics, and moderately aroused.

"W-what is your name, you sexy-chested man!" he asked.

"Oh, me? I am, Phillip… Phillip the Gay Janitor." Phillip need not say another word, for Raoul was up against him, holding a single, baby-soft finger to his luscious lips.

"I would wish to repay you now…" he said seductively.

"I see.. Would you like to learn 'mopping'?" Phillip inquired. Raoul moaned, and then slipped his tongue into Phillip's mouth. As they stood on the stage, practically molesting each other, Anna sue remembered that she had a body to get rid of.

-that night at the Sienne River-

Anna sue tossed Phillips limp, pale body into the water, and watched as he sunk due to the weights she attached to his ankles. _Gee whiz, there's ALWAYS something…_ she thought_ Tommorow's gonna be my lucky day, I just know it!"_

-END CHAPTER ONE-

AN: REVIEW, BUTTHOLES!


	2. The second Chapter

ANNA'S OPERA ADVENTURE CHAPTER TWO: THE SECOND CHAPTER

The whole Opera house rang with screams of Terror

"Mrs. Daae is Missing! Mrs. Daae is missing!" They all said in horror, for indeed it was true.

"We'll be ruined before the first show even starts without Ms. Daae!" squealed Firmin to Andre. Raoul was behind them with a look of concern on his face. They walked down the aisle to escape the press outside.

"Damn it all to hell!" came a voice from behind some of the plants.

"Who's there?" asked Firmin.

"No one! Just a poor innocent flute player who has lost her way…" Said Anna Sue as she brushed aside some of the leaves in her way.

"Anna Sally Sue… What are you doing? And why on earth are you shouting obscenities?" The manager asked.

"Well, I was working one of my Christine projects, darlin'… And I was swearing because Ms. Daae's disappearance put my plans on hold…" she said, while twirling a finger on a leaf.

"I swear, Anna, you are an absolute whore for attention, GET OUT OF THE PLANTS!" Firmin responded Angrily.

Suddenly, Carlotta burst in, followed by Piangi, and a young girl of about ten. Ubaldo was wearing a rather flamboyant suite along with a scarf. The girl was wearing a little, pink dress. Carlotta herself was wearing an elegant, purple gown.

"Where is she?!" Carlotta boomed. Her voice was filled with fury. "I just got a letter and, I'm-"

"Furious" the girl interjected, before Carlotta attempted to swat at her.

"What did I say about finishing my sentences, you twit!"

"LO SIENTO!" She sobbed dramatically. Anna sue rolled her eyes. Lola… That Spanish brat was always tailing Ubaldo and Carlotta, Anna sue didn't know much about her, but then again she didn't really care. She then began thinking about how she would seduce the phantom away from Christine, though it'd be hella tough. Anna's day dreaming was suddenly interrupted when she heard one of the managers say:

"These letters are all signed O.G!"

"Who the hell is he?"

Then they all shouted in unison: "Opera ghost!" Anna sue was sent into hunt mode. She rushed to the nearest door, when suddenly Lola jumped in her way!

"I need to speak with you!" she squealed.

"Outta my way, itty-titties!" she yelled as she kicked Lola in the stomach, sending her to the floor.

Anna ran down the hallway, hoping she could put her newest plans in motion, and perhaps meet the phantom. She threw open the first door she saw, and stared in shock.

Phillip was shoving Raoul's head down to the Netherlands, while Phillip moaned.

"Oh yes… Prepare to be vanquished!" Phillip yelled in pure pleasure

Anna Sue quickly shut the door, blushing. _He's… not in here…_ she thought. She continued down the hallways, until she reached the main hallway. She power walked through there, to avoid getting yelled at. It then occurred to her that the only person in there was some foreign looking man in a turban, he smoked a cigarette while leaning on a pillar. He was staring towards Anna, who gladly returned the stare.

"Who the hell are you?" she finally asked in a boomy voice.

"I… Am the Persian." He said in a gravelly voice, with a slight accent.

"Your name is Persian? Boy, do you know that your name is your ethnicity?" Anna sue stated with sassy-ness.

"I have a name, you red-headed swine. But I don't care to tell anyone." He said gloomily.

"Why not?!" Anna sue demanded.

"Because nobody wants me in their musicals or movies nowadays… All they want is Erik…" he answered.

"Who da hell is Erik?" asked Anna Sue.

"You might know him as the Phantom of the Opera.. He is like a friend to me… A friend who is batshit obsessed with ballerinas."

"Dammit! Do you know where he is! I have to find him and seduce him!" Anna yelled.

"Find him and seduce him? This is maybe the dumbest thing I've heard all week, no- Year!" He said with an air of lightness in his voice.

"Screw you, creepy foreigner! I'll find him myself!" She screamed in his face before storming off.

"Good luck, you attention whore!" he called back.

Anna continued her rampage throughout the opera, her window of time quickly closing. She had almost given up, when suddenly, by chance one of the floor boards in the room she was in came loose! Her foot fell right through the floor to reveal a tunnel underneath her!

"Score!" she yelled in triumph. She grabbed the nearest sharp object, and pried her way through the floorboards. She dropped down into the tunnel and began to run right around the corner. It was her lucky day, because in the act of violently turning the corner, she ran right into the Opera Ghost, sending them both to the floor!

"What in the name of-" yelled Erik. Anna Sue got up and started blushing.

"I finally did it…" she muttered. "After years of searching and plotting, I finally did it!"

"Girl, what are you talking about! How did you get down here?!" He asked in shock.

"You need to check the maintenance on your tunnels, also, I'm Anna Sue, bitch!"

"Ugh… You're that flautist that's like a miniature version of Carlotta!" He said while reaching for his lasso. Looked like today he'd have to get his hands dirty today.

"Hey, listen, I guarantee that you wouldn't care half as much about Carlotta if she didn't hate that horrid bitch, Christine!" Anna Sue said, pouting.

"Don't…you… EVER utter that again! You foul, unholy temptress!" he yelled in absolute rage.

"Thank you, but you gotta see that Christine don't care for you in THAT way, she loves Raoul, and he loves-" Said Anna, but before she could utter Phillip's sexy name, the Phantom pulled out his Punjab lasso! Anna sue was about to counter with an 'Anna punch', when suddenly, a knife knocked the lasso out of his hand! Anna and Erik looked at the end of the tunnel, and there stood a heroic figure, dressed in a Robin Hood-esque outfit, wielding a sword, and wearing a large, black mask!

"You, the Phantom of the Opera, have committed a sin against my master, And in the name of La Carlotta- I WILL PUNISH YOU!" She yelled in a sqealy, light voice.

"Oh, hell no! You get your bitch ass out of here, He's mine, you filthy pip-squeak!" Anna yelled while turning her back on the Phantom, and when she turned around he had vanished.

"Oh, butter biscuits!" Anna Sue yelled.

"You, why do you defend this man so!?" said the knight-girl.

"That's it, you little bitch! Bring it on!" Anna sue proclaimed. She danced up to Anna, and swung her sword, which Anna dodged with ease.

"ANNA PUNCH!" She yelled, as she slugged the girl right in the kisser, knocking the mask off. Anna sue then stared in utter shock at the face before her.

"Itty-titties!?" she exclaimed. Lola's face had tears streaming down it, and a giant red mark where Anna had delivered her trademarked punch. Anna grabbed her shirt, and pulled her off of the ground.

"What are you doing!" Anna demanded angrily.

"I-I-I-I-I-I, WAAAAH! She cried. Anna sue sighed, as she dropped Lola to the ground.

"Shit…."

END CHAPTER TWO


	3. Ctrl, Alt Universe, Delete

ANNA'S OPERA ADVENTURE CHAPTER 3: Ctrl, Alt universe, Delete

AN: This is where stuff starts to get freaky! There's no nasty sex, but there is weird space shit.

A week had passed since Anna had seen her beloved Phantom, and been separated so. She had formed somewhat of a friendship with Lola, the girl who claimed she was Carlotta's bodyguard. She had forgiven the dumb girl, but now she couldn't get in any alone time, for her new 'friend' was following her around everywhere. Strangely, she didn't really mind Anna's constant dastardly plotting against Christine.

Anna was about to head off to a rehearsal; she had a part where only she and Christine were performing, and she was planning to play so loudly that no one could hear Christine. She then heard whirring noises from the room next to her. Then a bright light flashed throughout the halls!

"LOLA! What are you doin in there!?" Anna Sue yelled while getting up and heading to the source. Lola sat in her room, shaking, and holding a weird metallic device in her hands. It had little buttons on it, and it had a tiny, sleek look to it.

"Lola, what is that?!" Anna Sue said, swiping the remote controller out of Lola's hand.

"Anna Sue, no!" she squealed as Anna Sue stupidly began to press the shiny buttons.

WHOOSH! FLASH! ZAP!

Anna Sue and Lola were in the same room as before, Anna sue was now shaking too.

"What in the name of God is this thing!? She asked Lola.

"It's mine! Give it back!" Lola sobbed. Anna rolled her eyes and opened the door. What she saw shocked her. Outside there was an endless expanse of wasteland with a blood-red horizon. Machines were hovering over the land, probing the dead surface.

Before Anna sue could get a good look, one of the lights shone down on her and a machine started beeping furiously!

"_LIFE FORM DETECTED! LIFE FORM DETECTED!_" it said in a mechanical voice. Anna shut the door violently!

"PUSH THE BUTTON!" she ordered Lola. Lola pressed it as she said, and with another flash they were transported somewhere else entirely. Anna sue was at the door, panting.

"What in the name of God just happened!" Anna demanded.

"This… is a remote that lets us travel through the dimensions, and that… was a dimension where humans (sob) DON'T EXIST!" Lola said, sobbing throughout the last part, and finally bursting into tears at this tragic fate of humanity.

"Bitch, shut the hell up." Anna sue whispered Lola-ward. She opened the door and found a friendly meadow with lots of cheery chaps walking about. There was a sign that said 'Friendship park: the last sanctuary of humanity. Population: 6,900.' Anna sue looked around to see two familiar faces! Raoul and Phillip! They were making out in public, but no one seemed to be disgusted because of it.

"Lola! What's this place?" Anna asked.

"It appears to be a sanctuary for the human race! I think these people are… the last group of humans." She said, fighting back tears. Suddenly, she glanced upwards and saw Carlotta chatting with a white-haired gentleman!

"Oh my Carlotta! I gotta speak to her!" Lola said as she bolted off, leaving Anna alone.

"Get yer ass back here, itty-titties!" Anna yelled. Suddenly she heard an angelic voice behind her.

"Madam, are you in distress?" It was… Erik?! Only he was wearing normal-looking clothes like everyone else, and his porcelain mask was black instead of white.

"You! What are you doing here!? And why do you not look so tragically depressing!" she asked.

"You must be new here. Tell me, what sanctuary did you transfer from?" He asked.

"NO NO NO! This is too freaky! I can't figure out what this place's deal is!" Suddenly, it hit her like a ton of bricks crushing a dead cat. Only 6,900 people, Raoul openly accepting phillip's love, and the Phantom wasn't chasing after you-know-who…. Could it be that Christine didn't exist?!

"Excuse me, Mr. Eri- I MEAN MAN I DO NOT KNOW! Do you know who Christine Daae is?" Anna sue asked him.

"Well, I know A Daae. His name is Gustave, and he is quite the violinist!" Erik answered.

"I mean his daughter, Christine, the unholy bitch." Anna stated.

"Daughter? Gustave has no children, thanks to a tragic incident involving the Phantom of the Opera and a bowling ball…. Well, he lost his ability to conceive a child…" Erik answered.

"WHAT, but how can that even happen when, you're the-! Who IS the Phantom of the Opera here anyways?!" Anna demanded.

"He is a dastardly, Persian fellow. He is the only one here who isn't satisfied with their life, and he takes it upon himself to cause ruin and ruckus. It makes life so much more unpleasant for us (especially Gustave).

"What? The Persian is the Phantom?! Wait, I don't even see an Opera house around here!" Anna proclaimed.

"Oh, it's behind the housing complex, one of the three infrastructures we have here: One housing complex, an Opera House, and a Wal-Mart." He stated.

Anna sue's heart leapt with joy! She grabbed Erik's hand.

"Wanna show the new girl around?" Anna said seductively.

"Why yes! It's not often girls pick me to accompany them! Most don't seem to want to go with me." He said, accepting Anna's hand._ This universe is the shit! I wanna live here! _Anna thought, as she and Erik walked to the distance.

Anna Sue and Erik then proceeded to do various activities together, and meet the sanctuary's inhabitants. With each passing moment, Anna and Erik became closer, and it was perfect! Nothing could go wrong in this perfect universe. Anna soon found herself with the Phantom under a tree.

"Well, the Phantom lit his canon, and out fired the bowling ball!" Erik explained to Anna "Me, the Vicompte and Piangi managed to duck out of the way, but it struck Gustave right in the pelvic region! The Phantom was busy escaping, but we had to give up our pursuit in order to rush him to the Hospital section of Wal-mart!" Anna sue giggled, as she was happy to hear the cause of Christine's non-existance.

"Poor Gustave, he never attended a single Phantom hunt after that, the poor fellow."

"Oh, that's the best story I've ever heard!" squealed Anna. Erik fumbled around a bit.

"Anna, today's been an utter delight-"

"HAH HAH HOO HOO HAAAAA!" laughed a booming voice. It was the Persian-Phantom, and he was wearing the same cape, along with the Phantom's signature mask! Erik's face lit up with rage.

"It's the Phantom of the Opera!" he yelled.

"We meet again, Destler! It seems you've picked up a delicate young broad!" taunted the Persian.

"Delicate? Who you callin' delicate, you creepy-ass foreigner!?" Anna yelled. The Persian snickered, and pulled out a sword; Erik did the same. The Persian made a move, but Erik parried it, and continued to spar with the Persian! Anna sue cracked her knuckles, and held her fist up in order to join the fray, but suddenly a distracting plot device descended from the sky!

"Ho there, Pirates!" yelled Peter Pan, with a stupid look on his boyish face.

"Peter, get the fuck out of here!" Yelled Anna Sue.

"Sorry! Wrong story!" Peter announced as he flew off. Erik stared up at the flying boy, which left an opening for the Persian to stab him through the heart! Anna sue caught him in her arms, and tried to fight back tears! The Persian laughed in victory!

"HA! That's finally the end of you!"

Anna sue began cursing under her breath. She looked right into the Persian's eyes and yelled:

"PERSIAN FUCKER!"

She lifted up her fist, and let loose the most powerful 'Anna punch' she could muster. Blood spewed from the Persian's mouth as he hit the tree behind him, then even more blood poured out! He backed off from Anna, who was still aiming at killing him. He stood back and yelled:

"You're strong for a broad! But can you face my percussion ninjas!" Anna sue looked around to see multiple masked figures dropping out of the trees, each one of them holding modified percussion instruments! It was like a symphony gone mad! The enclosed Anna, but suddenly one turned on the others, beating them up while taking advantage of the element of surprise! The rouge took off her hood to reveal that it was Lola! She extended the remote towards Anna Sue.

"Grab on! We'll make our escape!" Anna grabbed Lola's arm, and Lola teleported them out using pre-set coordinates, which made them appear in their original settings! Anna Sue finally let out her tears, her perfect universe had come crashing down almost as soon as it had started! Now she was back in her own universe, where the Phantom hated her, and he loved the one she hated. Lola tugged at Anna's dress.

"Look, there's something in your pocket from the other world!" She chirped. Anna pulled whatever it was out of her pocket, and looked at it. A single rose with a white ribbon attached to it…

END CHAPTER THREE


	4. Folly of the Foolish Flautist

Chapter four- the Folly of the Foolish Flautist

"Well, after all that effort we put into this score, it turns out that not a single one of you has learned the music for Faust!" chastised the Maestro.

"Mr. Maestro, I know MY part." piped up Anna Sue, waving her flute around like Don Juan himself.

"That's fantastic, Anna, could you please play for me the ballet?"

"Umm… Gonna pass, no thanks, darlin'." Anna Sue stated, embarrassed.

"Okay then… Care to explain yourselves?"

"We all have a bad feeling about tonight!" one of them stated. "If Carlotta is the lead, then the Phantom will be displeased!"

"Is that your excuse?! Every time something goes wrong around here, you all blame it on the Opera Ghost! You are all absolutely crazy!" he yelled whilst shoving his toupee down his trousers, and whining like a horsey. The flautists all blushed in embarrassment.

Anna sue knew what she had to do. The Phantom was going to mess with shit again, and Anna had the whole evening planned out: He'd come to torture Carlotta for Christine's sake, then Lola would probably pick a fight with the phantom, that's when Anna would build her trap…

Just then she spotted the Persian leaning against a pillar as usual, smoking a cigarette. She charged up to him, and pushed him to the ground!

"YOU!" she yelled.

"Whore, I mean Anna!" he exclaimed.

"You worthless piece of garbage, you! I WANT A FOUR PAGE APOLOGY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME YOU ASSHOLE!" Anna yelled in his face before storming off.

"What did I do to you, eh? Get back here!" he shouted at her. He knew damn well what he did in another universe that he had no idea existed. She then proceeded to turn a corner, and when she did, she slipped and fell right on her ass! She opened her eyes to see Phillip overhead.

"Anna Sue, did you not see the wet floor sign?" he asked.

"What? NO!"

"Oh, my bad!" he said as he took out a wooden sign saying 'wet floor' and placed it next to Anna's head.

"Phillip! I gotta build a trap to catch the Phantom!" Anna screamed.

"You are always plotting! So much time you waste on plotting against a guy who doesn't even know you exist." Phillip stated in his sexy voice. "In fact, let me explain to you-"

"Phillip, please help me!" she squealed. He looked at her with pity, and finally said 'yes'. Then he put his finger to his chin, and started to think.

"Hmmm.. I KNOW! What if we prop up a box with a stick, and put a note from Christine under it! Of course, the note will be written by us, and not Christine! We will attach a string to the stick, and when he finds it, we will pull the string, and trap him under the box!"

"Phillip, you're a genius!" Anna yelled.

"Yes! I sexy genius!" he said boastfully. Anna sue grabbed his arm, and dragged him through the halls to her room.

"Okay, look for Phantom-sized boxes! I can get sticks and string!" Anna sue began foraging, and pulled out some barbed wire.

"This shit'll do!" she proclaimed. Suddenly she heard a loud, crunching noise from Phillip's direction!

"OH Yuck!" Phillip declared. "I stepped on some weird kind of Cock-a-Roach!"

"A roach? I don't have roaches!" Anna said, but then she looked down at his feet to see that the 'roach' he was speaking of was actually the reality-travelling remote! It lay there, broken, and now missing several components.

"Oh no… Lola's gonna be pissed." Anna sighed.

"What, did I kill her pet, or something?" asked Phillip.

"No… but we only have about thirty minutes till' the opera starts!" Anna exclaimed. She grabbed up the remains of the mechanical wonder, and threw them in one of her drawers.

"I know!" declared Phillip "We can take out one of those drawers, and use THAT as a trap! I very VERY sexy genius!"

"That's a good Idea!" Anna yelled as she opened a drawer, and began tossing things out of it. Phillip then joined her, tossing out more of Anna's useless shit.

"Anna, I do not think that this drawer is big enough…" Phillip stated "We're going to have to go get another one."

"But we only have fifteen minutes left! Just then, someone entered the room, and screamed.

"Dear God, ANNA!" It was none other than Madame Giry, who was after Anna Sue's hide. "What are you doing to your furniture!? Why aren't you with the orchestra?!

"I… uh.. I need my BACKUP PICCOLO!" she declared, as she grabbed the nearest metal rod, and bolted out of the room, leaving a speechless Madame Giry, and an even sexier Phillip alone.

"Phillip, please clean up this mess..." said Giry, as Phillip nodded. "Remember, Phillip, you don't have to wear a shirt…" she added as she exited the room. If only she knew….

Anna sue sat grumbling in her seat next to the other flighty flautists, while watching Carlotta gallivanting on stage, putting out quite a performance. Anna was at least happy that Christine wasn't playing lead, but still the idea that a phantom attack was unavoidable drove her off the walls! Finally the moment came during the middle of the performance, when a boisterous voice came a-callin' from the ceiling!

"Did I not instruct…"

_Oh shit…_ Anna thought.

"That box five was to be left empty?"

The whole room then became loud with concerned, boisterous whispers, as Carlotta tried to carry on the opera. She began to open her mouth, and sing (she's a really good singer, in my opinion, why she get so much hate?) suddenly, her voice started cracking! Like a giant-ass toad! Anna knew who was behind this, and by golly, she wasn't going to sit tight.

"He's there, The Phantom of the Opera!" she yelled at the exact time Meg Giry did, as she frequently had done.

Up above in the rafters, Joseph Bouquet was having one hell of a laugh watching the nervous ballerinas and the flute-playing floozies sweating anxiously through their performance. Just then, he heard someone in the rafters making the floorboards creak. He put his booze down and headed to the opposite side of the stage, where a cloaked figure stood before him with what looked like a noose.

"WHO THE HELL-" he got out before the noose was flung around his neck, and asphyxiated him. Just when he began to pass out, a knife zipped past his head, and stuck itself in the man's cape! He yelled as more knives rained down in his direction!

"Who do you think you are, harming a poor, innocent, naïve drunkard!" squeaked the Phantom's attacker! A squeaky voice that couldn't be a single person's voice who wasn't Lola Cuchara, La Carlotta's self-proclaimed body guard.

"You will pay for your interference right now!" spat the angry Phantom, as he drew a knife! Lola shot him a threatening stare, as she drew a rapier from her cloak!

"You'll wish you'll have never said that, tyrant! Vivé La Carlotta!" Lola charged him with her sword, which he parried fiercely! Lola was too fast, but too reckless. She fought him, and slashed up rope… After rope… After rope… until-

-CRASH!-

The entire thing bore down upon the stage, knocking out most of the performers, Anna sue leapt out of her seat and headed to the Phantom and Lola. The Phantom emerged unharmed, with and unconscious Lola at his feet.

"Erik! Don't you dare touch that little boy- I MEAN GIRL!" Anna shouted. He scoffed at her.

"Your meddling will be dealt with AFTER this one's!" He threatened her, gesturing to Lola's body.

"You don't even get it, do you?!" Shouted Anna, before he pulled out two smoke pellets, and escaped in a cloud of dust with Lola as a hostage!

"SON OF A-! FUCK!" Anna yelled, as she let loose round after round of profane curses, throwing a large tantrum, as the police filed in the room. In their midst was something large… something portly.. something that bore a moustache similar to that of Ambrose Bierce!

"Okay, lads! I don't want anyone in or out of this Opera House, till… till our job's over." Commanded the obese police officer. Christine ran over to Raoul, who was also in a panic.

"Raoul, we have to get out of here, He'll find us here, surely!" she said anxiously.

"But, Christine, what about Phillip!?" Raoul said with concern.

"Wha-? Who's Phillip?" she asked, as Raoul blushed trying to find an excuse to hide his secret homosexuality.

Andre then approached the fat officer.

"Well, if it isn't Mario McDabby! Weren't you a part of the Scotland Yard before?" He asked. McDabby removed his monocle to reveal beady eyes.

"Well, you know that Sherlock Holmes is always causing a fuss… Tires me out a trifle, Heh!" he said.

"So he made you actually do your job?" McDabby made a fussy sound, and answered.

"Yes, he did indeed. Now, you French ladies, set up one of those chalk lines!" he began shouting

"McDabby, nobody died!" interjected Andre.

"What are you talking about, there's always a- Who is that, Andre?" He said mid-sentence, as his gaze wandered to the red-headed broad who was shouting at the police for ruining her tantrum. McDabby barged his way through the crowd, and then took Anna's wrist in his hand.

"Hello, my fiery demon! Why are you shouting, love? Your breasts are rather exquisite aren't they? Hehe!"

"He's touching me! MAKE HIM STOP TOUCHING ME!" Anna yelled as she swatted McDabby.

"What a feisty demon! What do you wish of me, my love!" he said lecherously.

"SHUT UP, AND FIND MY ERIK!" she said, sobbing.

"Well. This one's clearly mental aaand- Must be going through some sort of loss, but not all hope is lost!" He said, roaming away from the volcanic Anna Sue.

"Where is the Prima Donna toad-lady?" asked McDabby.

"Here, you sleazy little man!" spat Carlotta careful of sounding too loud.

"Now, may I ask you a few questions?"

"NO! I have to find my partner so he can FIX MY –CROOOAK!" she started to fume, and then ran out of the Opera house, regardless of the insecure perimeter that was set.

Anna was still deep in her fit, when suddenly she was pushed out of balance by none other than the Daroga!

"WHAT DO YOU WANT, CREEPY FOREIGNER?!" Anna shouted.

"I finished your shitty letter." He said nonchalantly. He then held up four pieces of paper, each one bearing one, large word: I AM VERY SORRY.

-the phantom's lair-

"and then one day, I had finally had it in Spain, but I couldn't start my life as a fireworks sales person, because I was only twelve. BUUT then there was the Opera, I don't get music in the slightest, save percussive instruments, but I liked the Opera. Not loved, just liked.."

"Are you done rambling yet? You're supposed to be intimidated, and fearful of your life." Stated Erik.

"What? Me? NO! I'm trying to pass time, build up mutual understanding!" said Lola

"Most women fear the very sight of me… But I can see that your mental age doesn't match up to your actual age. You'd at least have be scared if you found out that you'd be kept here for the rest of your life" Said Erik maliciously at the end.

"I don't know what that means, but as I was saying-"

"Does your story have a definite plot to it? You trail off too many times."

"Oh deary me! You tell your story now, I'll listen!" chirped Cuchara.

"My life is no tale of bliss in the city of Spain, by far.. I began my life-"

"TOO MUCH ANGST!" Lola bellowed as the chapter ended.

-end chapter Four-


	5. More shark Jumping for your pleasure

The weather outside was treacherous, and stormy when a figure cloaked in black scurried around the Opera house to its back entrance. He searched frantically for the right door to enter, until finally he found it. He knocked loudly on the door, and several seconds later, it was opened by none other than the sexiest, smartest, gayest man on the planet: Phillip the Gay janitor. He was clad in the world's tiniest booty-shorts, and nothing else except a red bow in his perfect, luscious locks of janitorial perfection.

"You're early, mi amor…" said Phillip seductively, as the figure revealed himself to be Raoul, who despite being soaked to the bone, was radiating with gay (happy-gay!) energy.

"I could not wait any longer! Christine wishes to… to marry me!" he cried out in anguish. Phillip lowered his head, but immediately went back to cheering Raoul up.

"We can find a way, Raoul." He said, cupping Raoul's face in his sexy, gay hands. "Let's get to our plans…" Phillip began leading Raoul to his bed, and cast off the filthy cloak. Raoul undid Phillip's pants, as our two gay lovers began making… well, gay love. Phillip moaned with pleasure, as he felt Raoul kiss his chest going lower, and lower….

"Oh… Raou- OOOOOOHHH MY GOD!?" Phillip began screaming in shock, not pleasure, for standing there before them was a complete stranger raiding the pantry! The clearly-homeless man was taking a bag of coffee beans, and placing it in his pocket. He turned around after hearing the shriek, showing that he had messy, blond hair, and was wearing a rather queer type of spectacles, that had the lenses obscured for whatever purpose ( at least that's what phillip saw, you and I know that they're just sun-glasses).

"GET OUT! OUT!" Phillip screamed, as Raoul rolled off the bed, covering his face to conceal his identity.

"Whoa, man.. I'm just getting shit for coffee." He said rather plainly.

"NO! Do you have any idea how rude this is?!" gasped Phillip.

"K Man, by." He said as he left the room, Coffee bag in tow.

The very next day, we find Anna Sue cleaning her flute, and as usual, mumbling about her murderous plots for our lead opera bitch. Her friend had been kidnapped, the police were "hard" at work trying to apprehend the phantom, and there was all of this other shit going on, that was; putting a dent in Anna's mood.

Suddenly, she noticed that there was a man in front of her, wearing ragged clothes, and shades; the very same bum who had intruded on Phillip's sexy time.

"Go away, this ain't no show, stupid bum!" Anna snapped.

"You! You're the main character, and it appears to me that you aren't planning on doing anything to keep the story going, so I, D.A.R.I.U.S (his name is an acronym), must intervene for the sake of plot convenience!

"Don't the Persian have a sex-slave or something named Darius? Nevermind- What the hell you talkin bout, crazy bum?"

"Weeeell, I could tell you that we're not actual people, and just characters in a novel. I could also tell you we're not even characters in a novel, cause we're actually characters within a parody of a novel. So that makes us double-non existent. Aaaaaand, I could also tell you that I'm the only one who knows that as a result of my omniscience. But you wouldn't believe me."

"Hell no I don't!" Anna retorted. "There's a weird variety of people livin here now that I think about it, you got homosexuals and hobosexuals…"

"Not really… I mean the author's already named two of the OCs after canon characters, shows a real lack of effort on her part." He stated.

"What?" Anna asked.

"On a similar note, did you know that your initials spell 'ass'? Anna Sally Sue, there. That just proves what an immature, pig the authoress is."

"I don't get it, what?"

"How about this, do you want to meet Carlotta's boyfriend?" D.A.R.I.U.S asked.

"I already know Piangi." Anna stated.

"No! Piangi's gay! He's been gay for a while now, but you wouldn't know that cause you're kind of a sociopath." Anna sue shrugged, but couldn't disagree.

"So who's she bangin' now?"

"I'll show you, but you'll be shocked. I don't think a Nineteenth-century opera dame could handle such concepts like space-time travel, and high-level robotics, and the all-powerful science that is Nuclear Physics." He said all whimsical-like.

"I've already done travel between dimensions with my new friend, Lola. She built us a reality-travel remote. Things didn't really turn out well…" Anna sighed.

"What?! Well! You think someone with such miniscule brainpower as Lola could have built inter-dimensional travel devices? C'mon I'll show you who's really behind it all!" He then took Anna's hand, and she reluctantly followed. He came to a secluded hallway, and removed a picture. Underneath there was a digital lock that required a password. D.A.R.I.U.S entered it in as Anna looked at the device in wonderment for she was but a simple barbarian, and then led Anna down the stairs that were revealed.

"whoa, whoa, whoa, we ain't gotta go down there, do we?"

"Why not? You try this sort of thing with the Phantom all the time!"

"Fair enough, let's get this over with." D.A.R.I.U.S led her down the stairs, where he continued to go on about her and all her friends being characters in a phan-fiction. Anna sue made a feeble attempt to accept this dude's rap, but she didn't really trust this guy. Eventually they reached a door riddled with many more digital locks that once again amazed the barbaric Anna. D.A.R.I.U.S struck a pose at the door.

"Welcome …. To the world of tomorrow!" he yelled whimsically.

"Quiet! Open the door!" Anna yelled like a gorilla.

"Okay, fine!" he scoffed.

When they entered in, Anna saw a futuristic laboratory with all sorts of gadgets and gizmos, and preserved fetus' everywhere, but no one was there! She then saw clothes, and all sorts of undergarments strewn about the place, including a large hat and an elegant gown. Anna then noticed a pair of protruding feet coming out from behind a wall.

"Who's doin it in here!?" Anna yelled.

"NO, NO, NO, DOCTOR STAHP! D.A.R.I.U.S facepalmed, as Anna giggled like the immature bitch she was. Carlotta emerged along with a white bearded, mad scientist lookin dude with a robotic Eye.

"Get outta here, you filthy beggar!" Screeched Carlotta.

"Yes, We are conducting a scientific expirement!" Screamed the man.

"NO! You are supposed to be making a mind controlling device that will save Lola's LIFE!" D.A.R.I.U.S chastised. He slammed the door, and turned to Anna Sue. "Anna, I'm sorry you had to see that." He said apologetically.

"Don't care."

"That guy, is Dr. Darth Einstien, and he's from… the future!"

"God fucking dammit." Anna sue cursed, "My life gets stupider and stupider every day. I'm starting to think that the end is near… One day there's going to be a tempest of unholy idiocy, and a volcano of ridiculousness is going to erupt a fiery storm of retardation upon us. Then we all die."

"It's not stupid, it's time travel, you barbaric slut." D.A.R.I.U.S hissed. "He was a fugitive from the year 2112, and he's a brilliantly mad scientist who did all these experiments on people, then he escaped to here, and he's giving technology to little kids-"

"Listen, I don't care. I'm going to leave now, and try and get that mental image out of my head. Then I'm going back to killing Christine."

"Sure, go back to holding the plot up, that's what the audience wants!" D.A.R.I.U.S said. "Plus, what do you think is going to happen ? You aren't going to kill her, that's what!"

"Who knows, today may be my lucky day." Anna giggled.

"What about Lola, then? Who's going to save her, she won't do it on her own!"

"What about Lola?" Anna said sassily.

"Does ANYONE care if she dies or not!?" D.A.R.I.U.S groaned in frustration, as Anna maintained her apathetic demeanor. Suddenly, the door opened, and out came Dr. Darth Einstein.

"Here's your mind control machine, D.A.R.I.U.S!" he said with maliciousness in his voice.

"THANK YOU." D.A.R.I.U.S sighed in a relieved manner.

"Remember, it's a prototype so it has a very limited influence, but it should be enough to get that bratty little shit back!"

"Finally, we can get the plot going again. If it's one thing I can't stand is when the plot comes to a grinding halt." He sighed.

"When you're done, bring it back, and I'll let you test out my… TIME MACHINE!" Darth Einstein Cackled maniacally before slamming the metal door shut.

"That was… I don't even know anymore." Said Anna Sue. "Let's count all the shit that's happened this week: I killed a she-male, put myself on the Phantom's blacklist, travelled to an alternate dimension where I witnessed the DEATH of my lover, and then LOLA got some one-on-one time with MY Phantom!" Anna sue fumed, "What the hell else do I have to do now, whoever the fuck you are?!"

"You take this." He said, gesturing to the helmet-like device in his hand, "Use it on Erik, then get Lola back. That's all."

"Suppose I don't want to get Lola… Suppose I want… other things." Anna whispered.

"You can have happy-fun-time with the Phantom too, you horn-ball." D.A.R.I.U.S stated.

"That's all I wanted to hear, and I'll get Lola too." Anna snatched the device from the hobo and walked up the stairs.

"Anna Sue, wait!" he called from behind. Anna turned one last time.

"What?!"

"I forgot to tell you, you're a girl now!" he beckoned.

"I know that, you weirdo!"

"No, I mean, you don't have a dick! You're a regular girl for the sex scene in the next chapter. It seems the writers are giving us a break-"

"But I like my dick!" Anna pouted. "Do I get it back? Well, I s'pose it's a fair price to pay for some sweet Phantom ass."

"Farewell, Anna Sue! I bid thee good tidings!"

"Shut up!" Anna Sue yelled as she finally left. (Okay, Let's see if that corridor where I got in the last time is still open, I bet I could use the Persian as bait, or something…) Anna wandered through the corridor, and found herself at the main entrance. The place was empty, rare enough as it seemed. Quietly, Anna Sue tip-toed over to one of the plants she had hid in during the beginning of the second chapter. They had been freshly watered, and the dirt was nice and muddy. Anna dipped her fingers in the mud, and swiped them across her face, leaving two black lines under her eyes.

"Anna Sue, what are you playing in the mud for?" asked Raoul, who had wandered in while Anna was applying her war paint.

"I'm going to get Lola back. I don't want that police officer dealing with my problems, he strikes me as incompetent." Anna replied.

"Okay. Why are you doing that to your face?"

"Because, I'm going into battle."

"That's…. er, Anna! Someone took the locks off of Phillip's door, and a weird hobo walked in on us! Do you know who could have stolen them?" he asked.

"No, who would need Phillip's locks?" Anna replied. (Probably someone who wanted to lock Christine in a closet without food and water, hehehe!)

"Oh, that's unnerving, but I suppose you have something really senseless to do. Fare thee well, Anna Sue." He said as he slowly walked out of the entrance hall. Anna started off again, this time heading down, and down to the heart of the opera house. She never found her previous entrance, but she did know how to open up some of the drains. She was now in the bathroom (the boys bathroom, to be precise) where she found the drain that had an inundation of music flowing out of it, a sure sign of Eric's secret corridors.

Anna Sue had fetched up a crowbar before she headed to the bathroom, for she knew she'd need it. She slipped it under the drain, and lifted the top off. She could only narrowly fit down it, but her dress wouldn't make the jump; it'd just get caught in the drain, and dirtied up. She discarded her dress, and leapt down the hole in her under britches. She landed with a thud, getting her boots dirty in the filthy sewage.

Anna trekked down the tunnel until she heard the rapturous music at its loudest point. She could also hear the sound of a whiny voice rambling on about god knows what. That was actually fairly surprising that Lola's discursive was almost as loud as the Phantom's music.

Anna Sue looked at the helmet in her hands, and slipped it on her head. She boldly stepped into the lair…. And then, waiting for her, was the end of this chapter.


	6. The deflowering of the Opera Ghost

-Police Headquarters-

Officer McDabby was sitting at his desk as usual, going through all the "evidence" he had gathered on Anna Sue. God, she was a FOX! Totally grade A fire pussy right there! Of course he wouldn't mind boning Christine, after all those ballerinas can BEND. Maybe even Meg too; she seemed like she needed a good de-flowering. Officer McDabby considers all of the bitches to be quite superb. All of them. He reached in his desk, which had paperwork carelessly left about it, and pulled out a drawer containing the Opera Ghost case files. He opened them up to reveal a girlie-mag inside. He peeked inside, and began unzipping his pants, when suddenly the door exploded open! McDabby slammed the files shut, and looked up at his visitors! The Vicompte and the Opera managers!

"Hello lads!" McDabby greeted anxiously. "Er… I've been reviewing these case files all night, I have!"

"Officer McDabby, that's a lie." stated Andre. "We know perfectly well that the only reason you'd have opened up a case file on your own accord is if there's pornography concealed within it! C'mon now, show us the magazine!" McDabby pouted, and reluctantly showed his stash, making several of the visitors blush.

"Bet you feel like a right big boy now, you wanker!" he replied bitterly.

"Ergh… Look, just listen to us. Right now, we are formulating a plan to flush out the Opera Ghost once and for all! We need your cooperation, as well as some of your officers."

"There's going to be a masquerade tomorrow, and we will need the help of the police in case the Phantom decides to show up!" said the Vicompte.

"Ah, yes, I remember Anna yelling madness about some 'Phantom' character."

"Yes, he's run amok in the opera house, insane with lust, and consumed by hate, that we have well brought on ourselves to some degree…" uttered the Vicompte.

"And how is Anna Sue, might I ask?" inquired McDabby.

"What does she have to do with this? I mean besides the fact that she's gone completely mental?" asked Andre.

"Just wanting to make sure." Said McDabby.

"Fine then," Andre said aggravated, "Okay, here's what we are going to do-…"

-Dungeons-

Anna Sue stood behind the phantom with the helmet powered up at full blast. A great deal of stress on her shoulders, but also contempt for the fact that she'd finally gotten her chance to do the one thing she wanted to do since she was a wee little Anna.

"Oi, ERIK!" she shouted as he flinched, and spun around. He frowned at the sight of Anna.

"What in God's name? Oh, it's you again… What stupid thing are you going to do today, flute whore?" he said, taking out his lasso.

"That's MRS. SEXY FLUTE WHORE, ERIK." Anna stated, beaming the helmet's rays directly to his head. So far Anna Sue was really liking this whole new 'future crap'.

"Oh.. Yes, I'm sorry, Anna-Sue." He said calmly as he fell under her influence.

"Erik, you've been awful mean, ain't ya?"

"I do believe I have, I'm sorry Anna-Sue." He replied. His face was devoid of emotion, and his arms hung listlessly by his sides.

"What about that Christine bitch? She's awful! And what about that kid you got back there; Lola? That's real naughty Erik!" Anna chastised.

"Yes indeed, Anna. I'll let Lola go right now-"

"Nu-uh! First, we do make-up sex. NOW!" Anna demanded.

"Of course, Anna." He said, as Anna grabbed his arms, and led him to his own bed, and pushed him down. Anna ripped off of her only two pieces of clothing.

*Warning: the next sex scene is rather sweet, but if you wanna, you can skip. Instead of reading about Anna's Mary-Sue fantasy come true, you can wonder why the unholy fuck nobody cares whether Lola dies or not.

Anna then ripped off his fine clothing, and pressed her lips to his. By some miracle of science, she was the aggressor and not him. She pulled down his pants, and the rest is up to you to discern whether or not it was THE BEST SECKS EVER HAD IN ANY PHANFICTION EVAR! And it was. After what seemed like forever of hot, steamy, passionate looooove, Anna finally rolled over to his side, finished.

*It's safe now!*

Anna lay next to Erik, snickering in triumph, while his lay there, brainwashed. Anna then remembered her task: Lola. She rolled over, and stood up, immediately grabbing some of Erik's spare clothes to dress herself in.

"Where are you going, Anna-Sue." He asked.

"Gotta get that little shit you've got locked up over there. I think D.A.R.I.U.S. has the hots for her. Otherwise, he wouldn't care.

"ANNA SUE, IS THAT YOU!?" came a shrill voice from outside. Fucking Lola didn't even notice her until now, the ignorant twat.

"There you are!" Anna said, peering outside to see Lola, who had been roaming around the lair freely, to Anna's surprise.

"My savior has come to rescue me!" she piped up.

"There you are, you little shit! You don't even LOOK like you've been in danger, all wanderin 'round here!" Spat Anna.

Suddenly, Erik began to come around.

"My head… Where are my clothes?" he groaned. Anna turned to sweet Lola, and said:

"Shit, the machine's effect's running off, lets blow this joint!" She took Lola's hand and left with haste, as Erik came to the stunning realization that he'd been de-flowered by someone other than Christine! As Anna dragged Lola through the halls she knew that he'd come out, and seek unholy revenge all up in her ass. Oh well… If this was the price to pay for just one (albeit forced) intimate moment, then so be it. Meanwhile, while Erik was taken aback by disbelief, he was also equally stunned that there was one single woman out there that had to trick HIM into his bed, and not the other way around, but at the same time, it wasn't his Christine. Should he feel anger or not? Wait, how did she even pull that trick off? It must've been that cumbersome helmet, yes! He'd have to at least see what kind of device could steal a man's will away, and turn him into that devil-woman's silly putty.

Anna and Lola ran all the way back to their dorms, not stopping to talk to anyone, for fear the the Phantom was on their tail. As soon as Anna finished locking the door, she grabbed the handle to a drawer, and pulled out several wigs she had stolen from backstage.

"Here, Lola, put this on to fool Erik! He's gonna kill out asses!" she said in an anxious voice. Lola put on the incredibly long, dusty wig, and turned to Anna with a confused look on her stupid face.

"How do I look?"

"Hmmm… still looks too much like you, I'll go see if I can find a fat-suit." Replied Anna.

"How long are we gonna wear disguises?"

"Until I can get that scientist dude to make a memory-erasing potion, or something." Anna pulled out a Groucho mask, and put it on. "This'll bamboozle him right good, it will!"

"Hallelujah!" rejoiced Lola. The two girls then snuck out of their room, quietly, and made their way to the main hall where the set up for the masquerade ball was taking place. Before they could clear the area, they were spotted by Madame Giry!

"Anna! You found Lola?" she inquired, gesturing to the Spanish girl beside her.

"No, this is Consuela! She's going to be Lola's replacement. Yeah!" Anna Sue said cleverly. Madame Giry approached Lola apprehensively.

"How do you do?" Giry greeted.

"No hablo François! No hablo! Tengo muy miedo! Conoces La Phantasma de la Opera!? El va a matarnos!" Lola said. Anna swatted the back of Lola's head gently.

"She doesn't speak a lick of French, Madame. I'm going to have to teach her our ways."

"It sounds strenuous, but that is very charitable of you, Anna." Said Giry.

"Darn tootin!" replied Anna.

"Tengo usar el bano… Ha sido una LARGA noche…" Lola pouted.

"You said it, Consuela!" Anna said.

"But listen, we need you to help set up the masquerade for the guest of honor."

"Who's that?" Anna asked.

"La Staley-luna! She is one of the most renowned primmadonnas in all of Europe!" Giry informed them.

"Well-renowned, eh? I'll try and help, but I'm a little busy…"

"I didn't say 'Well'-renowned. Staley-Luna is a completely insane; a monster of a woman, I don't know how anyone can see any appealing aspect whatsoever about that woman. But she is important nonetheless. ." Giry admonished.

"We'll keep a lookout." Said Anna. Suddenly, she spotted Christine, and O how she longed to tell her of her triumph with Erik. In fact… SHE WOULD! Anna ran up to Christine with a shit-eating-grin on her face.

"Hey, there, Daae!"

"Hello Anna!" she chirped.

"Guess what, Daae?" Anna said, her grin growing larger.

"What?" she said, raising an eyebrow.

"I SLEPT WITH YOUR PHANTOM!" Anna proclaimed into the heavens! "HAHA! HE SLEPT WITH ME! HE DID THE SEX WITH MEE!"

"Anna, this is not funny! You don't understand what we've been through!" Christine retorted angrily.

"In denial? Look! I'm wearing HIS clothes! How do you think I got 'em! HM!?" Anna snapped bitterly. Christine froze, and then her face contorted in anger to the point that it didn't even look human anymore.

"htcib ouy… enim si motnahp eht! Did ouy tahw kool!" she yelled in creepy backwards-talk as her face and body transformed into the likeness of a bat! The whole room evacuated as the creature scooped up a few men, and ate them!

"HOLY SHIT!" Anna yelled as she and Lola ran! The evil monster chased Anna and Lola down the hallway! Anna saw all of her friends who had been in the grand hall were now dead! Phillip, Raoul, the Girys, even that creepy-ass foreigner! All of them crushed by debris, or killed by Christine's fists! Anna and Lola squeezed into a hallway that was too small for Christine; upon impact, her frame shook up the hallway, causing the girls to trip! Anna got up in the nick of time, but poor, sweet, innocent Lola got scooped up by the evil thing! As she was lifted up in the air, crying, Christine ripped her to shreds with her claws!

"LOLA!" Anna yelled. Christine swung her fist at Anna, who jumped to avoid it. It hit against the wall to reveal the secret entrance to Darth Einstein's Lair! Anna dove into the stairwell, falling down several flights of stairs! Luckily for her, Einstein opened the door.

"What the hell is going on out there?! Did my Mechas get out!?" he exclaimed as Anna dashed into the lab. "Whoa there, missy, be careful of that! Slow down!" Christine's hand extended down into the hallway, nearly grabbing him, before Anna tugged him away! The doors shut, protecting them from her wrath.

"What the hell is that?!" he exclaimed.

"NO TIME! Christine! My friends! L-… LOOOOOOOOLAAAA!" Anna bawled.

"There, there, little female; I have something that can maybe help us!"

"What?"

"It just so happens that I was going to test out my… TIME MACHINE!" he cackled in a clichéd manner.

"THEN HURRY, WHOEVER THE FUCK! SHE'S GONNA KILL US!" Anna screamed.

"Fear not, the defense masers will probably vaporize her-"

-KABOOM-

"Nope, there go the masers! Let's see about that time machine!" He grabbed ahold of Anna's wrist and took her to the deepest part of the lab, passing by many experiments in jars and whatnot.

"I suppose you want to know more about how I got here, and what all this stuff is!" he suggested.

"NO!" barked Anna. They finally reached the core, where a giant, luminescent beam of light ran from the ceiling to the floor.

"It's so beautifu-" Anna began before she felt Darth Einstein shove her into the light! A plethora of various feelings passed over her when she went in, mostly the feeling of her brains going into her feet. She felt absolutely no sense of up or down, like she was travelling in a cascade of light powered by some sort of wicked shit that I can't quite explain without getting a dictionary. Finally she was tossed out of the torrent and landed on her stomach. She was able to lift herself off the ground and see Darth Einstein walk nonchalantly out of the beam.

"Here we are, it is approximately… two hours before that incident! If I'm right, about now I should be making sweet love to my girlfriend, and you and the omniscient hobo should be barging in any moment now." He explained.

"So all of that ludicrous shit never happened?!"

"Oh, it did. However, it is in an offshoot timeline now."

"So… I never got nasty with Erik… and Lola's still his hostage, and… Christine didn't kill all of my friends…" Anna said all confused-like.

"No, you did do the nasty with him, BUT not the Anna of THIS new timeline. Speaking of the other Anna…" he said as he reached into his cloak. He opened the door to reveal the spectacle Anna had seen earlier. Carlotta and Darth Einstein were on the floor doing the nasty, and D.A.R.I.U.S was opening the door in horror.

"NO DOCTOR, STAHP!"

-BANG! BANG!-

Anna Sue squinted from the jolt of the gunfire. She opened the eyes just in time to see the other Anna's body hit the floor, blood gushing from her forehead. The Darth Einstein that was on the floor with Carlotta also had a bullet to the brain.

"There, problem solved. Now everybody can just saunter off and do whatever the hell you want." Said Einstein as he blew the smoke off of his flintlock pistol, and then holstered it.

"YOU-A ASSHOLE!" bellowed Carlotta "You better not do anymore of this time-a-travel! I can't-a STAND seeing you come in and shooting yourself in the face! One more time and it's-a OVER!" she said, storming out.

"Don't worry she'll come back in ten-to –fifteen minutes…. Anna, are you okay? Anna?" with that, Anna sue hit the floor, her body giving into the stress, and she would remain in this comatose state until chapter seven, which will be written in… THE FUTURE!

End chapter sex.


End file.
